Saving Grace Has Consquences
by AJCorbie
Summary: Grace thought she'd never see Sam Winchester again after her vacation. Boy was she wrong. Part 2 of the Saving Grace series, following Spring Flings. Some smut. Trigger warnings: Self-harm and depression.
1. Chapter 1

SAVING GRACE HAS CONSEQUENCES

 **A/N  
** Welcome to another birthday present for Sammy.

Disclaimer:  
I do not own Supernatural or StarGate. Grace Evans is my own creation.

Spoilers: Part 2 of the Saving Grace series is set after any of the StarGate series, and starts between Supernatural Season 7's Party On Garth and Of Grave Importance.

 **Trigger warnings** : Grace has a history of self-harm and depression which will at least be mentioned at some point.

* * *

 **CHAPTER ONE**

How did this happen? I'm sitting against the locked door in the main bathroom with the lights off, glad that the small frosted window doesn't let much of the failing light in from the sunset outside, it hurts my eyes. Thankfully it grows dark quickly, but it means I lose my distraction from this stupid situation I've found myself in.

I hear a knock on the front door, as clearly as if I were down in the lounge, but I'm upstairs. After a few minutes hear the front door open and freeze trying to hear as much as possible (which is a lot easier than it should be). There's footsteps, slow and calculated; someone's here that isn't supposed to be. What do I do? I'm freaking out enough as it is, I locked myself in here to protect my son and there is an unknown person out there. Yet another possible threat to him.

Deciding to call out, I clear my throat. "Hello? Is someone out there?" The footsteps stop for a moment then head slowly up the stairs. "I know someone is out there! Who are you?"

"Grace Evans? My name is Dean Williams." A male voice answers. Is it THE Dean? It can't be a coincidence, a Dean breaking into my house NOW.

Standing up quickly, "Dean? Yes, I'm Grace. I'm ah what do you want?" Talking to the crack in the door I'm now leaning against.

"I'm investigating the attacks on campus, you're the most recent victim. I want to talk to you about what happened earlier tonight."

"Stay away from me, please." I'm pleading. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Did he bleed on you?" Well even if it isn't THE Dean this guy is still a hunter. If I tell the truth I'm going to lose my head. But what else is there to do? I don't want to hurt anybody; it's the only solution I have.

"Yeah, he did. That's why I locked myself in here, don't come in," pausing when I hear stirring in the nursery. _Oh crap, I don't want to risk it, need to get him out of here_. My hands search in my pockets. "Shit. Shit. Shit." I put my phone down somewhere.

Dean's voice is stronger as he asks, "You're changing aren't you?"

Shaking I answer truthfully. "Yeah. Look, Dean can you get my son out of here? Please? I don't want to hurt him."

"If you are changing I can't leave you alone." I hear the slight waver in his voice, surprise there is a potential victim he needs to save in the house.

"Right. Could I borrow your phone then? So I can call someone to come get him. Please Dean." A phone slides under the door. "Thank you."

Stooping to pick it up, call the first number I think of, it just keeps ringing. Just great. Then curiosity hits me. Start going through Dean's call history, seeing one number come up a lot, I assume (and hope) it's Sam. I send it a text with my spare cell phone number, signing it "3G", delete the text then call the next number I remember.

"Hello. Cassandra speaking."

"Hey Cas it's me. I need you to come get Jake from mine, I can't get hold of Sam. It's kinda urgent." It's harder to remain calm once I've said that out loud.

"Are you okay?" How am I supposed to tell her that I am the furthest thing from okay?

"No hun, tell Sam, uhm" Hesitating, I can't say it. I don't want to upset either of us. "This guy, Dean will meet you downstairs, please don't come upstairs."

"Alright, I'll be fifteen mins."

"Thank you." Sliding the cell back under the door. "She'll be here soon, could you please check on Jake for me."

His footsteps enter the nursery, and I can hear his soft baby talking. My head is pounding, I'm so very hungry, but I know I would be so upset with myself for hurting someone. I'm aware of how lucky it is I didn't feed before locking myself up.

By the time the doorbell rings Dean has the baby and his things downstairs already to go. Listening carefully I realise she's trying to get upstairs. Soon she is outside the bathroom door, "I told you not to come up. Please, just get Jake out of here." I beg as she protests. "I love you, and Sam. Now go please."

Dean sees her out and I smell rather than hear him when he comes back to the bathroom door. It's time. "I'm going to unlock the door now." I gulp, knowing this is it; shake myself up a bit before finally reaching for the door.

Turning the lock, close my eyes, drawing in deep breathes through my mouth. Open to see when he doesn't appear to be coming in. "Just do it. I don't want to feed, I don't want to hurt anyone." Turn my back to the door when the handle slowly turns.

I can't help but peek in the mirror as he cautiously opens the door with a machete held up in front of his chest. My teeth, that I didn't have this morning, come out; clenching my fists in attempt to gain some control. Catch a glimpse of them in the mirror and hurriedly cover my mouth. I see Dean's green eyes lock on mine as they widen, seeing my terror in the mirror, his heart is beating a little faster as he inches closer.

Then something seems to occur to him, Dean pauses, but doesn't lower the machete. "You haven't fed yet?"

I accidentally breath in through my nose. Bad idea. My hunger just grows exponentially. Grip at my throat as if the move will change something. "No and I don't want to. Please Dean, just get it over with." Begin begging, feeling my control slipping.

"Did you see who turned you?" _What is he getting at_?

Concentrating hard I force my new teeth away and turn slowly with my hands and arms open in an attempt to show I don't mean any harm, to look at him properly. "Yeah I did." Slowly, unsure of where he is going with this?

"If you don't feed I can cure you, with the blood of your maker."

"What?" I must have misheard him with the sound of blood pumping filling my ears.

"I can turn you back, you can be human. As long as you don't eat anyone before I can find who turned you in the first place." Excitement begins to rise as these words give me hope. I might be able to keep my head after all.

"Oh my god, are you serious?" Stare at him, he seems completely sincere.

"I am sweetheart. You just can't have one drop of human blood. One drop and you're gone." Dean waves the blade slightly, pointing at my neck to get his point across.

"Okay, I think maybe you need to lock me up. I really don't know how much longer I can hold on here, now that I don't have to protect Jake."

"I need you to show me who. Can you hold on?"

"I can try, but do you really want me coming with you?" I know the risk I pose leaving the house in my condition.

"I can handle myself. I can save you, do it for your son. We need to hurry." I nod in agreement. "You might want to cover up, if this takes awhile you don't want to be out in the sun." So he follows me to the master bedroom where I put on a shirt, jacket, grab my sunglasses and spare cell phone - which already has several missed calls on it so text the strange number that I recognise as the one I text off Dean's cell phone.

*I'm sorry. Xox 3G*

I'm so hungry, I don't want to talk.

It's hard to hide that I'm disappointed that once more I'm not led to an Impala. Maybe I've got it wrong. This isn't the Dean I thought it was. That's another reason I ignored the next call - what if it's some stranger and not Sam? Climbing in the back seat. It's all I can do to block out the noise, his heartbeat, the call of his blood and fighting the urge to attack the hunter.

"Do you know where the nest is?" I almost don't catch that he's talking to me except his voice is so damn loud.

"Sorry what?"

Dean looks at me in the rear-view mirror. "You should be able to smell them."

I indicate to him the general direction of a strange smell. Driving for ages, the sky lightens. Nearing where I think the nest is I spot my attacker. In a harsh whisper I start. "That's him, right there." Dean pulls over and then freezes halfway through getting out, looking into the back seat.

"Hold on Grace, stay right there. Do not move, do you understand me?"

"Please just hurry." Dean assesses me for several moments before he gets out and begins to tail the vampire that has dared to turn me. I'm surprised that the hunter didn't handcuff me or shoot me up with dead man's blood first to ensure the safety of the general public. Maybe the doors are kiddy-locked? Though would that really hold someone that really wanted to get out? Not wanting to test the theory or my limits I hunker down, trying not to think of how screwed I am if this hunter doesn't come back soon.

My phone is 'ringing' yet again. I turned off the vibration because even that was getting way too loud for me to handle. Lie down in the back seat so I don't have to watch people pass, each a potential victim that would seal my fate. Again the screen flashes with an incoming call. This time I answer but don't say anything in case I have been wrong.

"Hello?" Oh that gorgeous voice. I thought I would never hear it again.

"Sam? I'm so sorry." I'm quiet but he hears me.

"Grace? Are you okay?" Sounding surprised then worried.

"Not really, a bloody sucker fed me his blood. I'm scared Sam." I can't believe I'm actually talking to him again.

"Have you fed?" I can hear the panic in his serious voice.

"No, but it's getting impossible to resist. Dean has gone after the arse that turned me but he's taking way too long." My free hand is clutching at my knees to keep it occupied.

"Keep calm okay? Talk to me. Get your mind off it." Sam's voice wobbles a little, while being soft and soothing.

"Talk about what? Kinda hard to think right now Sammy." Really struggling now. "It's getting unbearable..."

"Just tell me what you've been doing since we met." What do I tell him about? There is something that's probably better as a face to face conversation.

"I went back to school, well part time anyway. It's been kinda interesting." Let out a wail of frustration.

"Stay with me Grace, come on."

"Wish Dean would hurry up." I growl.

"He'll be as fast as he can, stay strong, for me please. What else?" It's his turn for pleading and I'm glad of the distraction. I'm freaking shaking. Fingering my fangs that reappear painfully as a group passes the car. This is crazy. "Grace you still there?"

"Yeah, my head. I can hear like everything, there's more and more- argh where is he? I smell blood. I'm losing it Sam, there's so many people outside, I don't wanna hurt someone. Argh Sammy!" So frustrated could start screaming any minute now. For now I just kick the front seat.

Sam continues to sooth as our conversation starts going in circles. "You're fine, you're going to be okay."

The car door opens, and I drop the phone in shock; had been concentrating so hard on Sam that I didn't sense Dean's return. It falls to the floor, bouncing under the front passenger seat.

"Dean finally! Did you get it?"

"Yeah, it's right here."

Release a deep sigh. "Good. This is really not fun." He smells so good. "You need to hurry. Seriously."

I hear Sam on the phone, asking if I'm still there so I pick it back up. As Dean drives off I speak to Sam. "He's back."

"Good, hold on, just a little longer." After hanging up he texts me. *Don't be scared.*

I simply reply *Xox 3G*

"How you doing back there?" Dean quickly glances back at me, gripping tightly to the seat edge.

"Just bloody drive!" Curling up tight with my head in my chest and hands covering my ears till we stop. "Where are we?" Not recognising our surroundings.

"My motel, it's closer than your place."

"'Kay, let's just move, please I can't do this."

Dean watches me closely, tensing up whenever we have to pass someone. Get to the room, finally, with no mishaps, thank God. I curl up on the ugly sage green couch, gripping the edges of the well worn arms. "Dean!"

The hunter speeds through making the cure, finally adds the vampire blood. Bringing over a cup, he places a bucket by me.

"This is going to suck arse but you'll feel better soon. Drink up."

I snatch the cup from his hand, staring at it suspiciously, raising it say "cheers" and drain as much as I can before I realise why there's a bucket in front of me.

* * *

The last thing I remember is puking my guts out of black sludge, and must have passed out. When I open my eyes Sam is sitting there on a chair next to me, reading. Dryly croak out his name.

"Hey there Grace, you're okay." Sam sounds very relieved, my eyes are still a little blurry.

Roughly I respond, "I feel like crap on toast Sam." Clutching at my throat once more.

"You'll be fine in a few days, don't worry." He flashes me his wonderful smile. I blush and smile back.

"At least maybe after this I won't have that other problem, aye? Should be right off that now."

"What problem?" Dean asks as he walks back into the room while I'm speaking.

"Nothing." I lower my head so he can't see I'm lying, Sam hands me a glass of water. "Thanks Sam." Accepting it with a small smile at him, Dean gives a little cough. "Thank you too Dean, so much. Oh damn am I starving." Frown, placing a hand on my growling stomach.

"That's why I just went and picked something up." Dean holding up a fast food bag.

Sam whispers "And I picked up your favourite for after, when you're feeling better." Helping me sit up, then cautiously. Both of us grinning, as he helps me walk to the table. Never before has a crappy burger tasted so good.

Feeling boiling hot have to take off the jacket and t-shirt so I'm back in my tank top and waving my face. Dean taking notice of my breathing pipes up. "Yeah I know, you'll be running hot-cold for the next few days but it beats the alternative."

"You know?"

He pauses, clearly contemplating how to respond. "I've been through the cure too."

"Bloody Winchesters." I mutter under my breath, pretty sure only Sam catches it though. "That would have been interesting." I say a bit louder.

Shivering my jacket goes back on. "Well this is going to be fun. When can I go home?" Shrug the jacket half off.

"You could go soon but you'll be in no condition to look after Jake for awhile." Dean points out as a matter of fact. Sam looks confused, oh shit. _I think I'm in trouble_.

"Okay Dean, can you call Cassie please? See if he's alright. I don't think I can talk to her at the moment." Rubbing my sore head, and covering my eyes for a moment. Dean goes out of the room while Sam gets up to grab me some aspirin and a caramel coconut slice, which I just pick at.

Sam frowns. "Grace, what's wrong?"

Here's my moment of truth. _Deep breath Grace_. "Jake. He's my son."

"Oh, how old is he?" Take a moment to pull the jacket on properly again.

"Three months." I watch his face carefully, as he figures it out, he shifts uncomfortably in his chair.

"Is he? Umm ahh, I mean. Dammit."

"Yours?" I supply. He nods. Take three breaths this time. "Yes Sam, Jake is our son, Jacob John."

"What about Jamie?" Is Sam hopeful or sad with that question? My perception is way off kilter right now.

"I never got that far with Jamie, you're the only one since the first time I was pregnant. I tried to call you, obviously you changed your number. Dean will be back in a minute, it's up to you if you wanna tell him."

Shrugging the jacket back off, he rubs my back, then moves the left tank strap to reveal all of my anti-possession tattoo.

"When you get that?"

"Right after we left camp, stopped a few towns over for dinner and saw a place. Got a good enough look at yours, obviously knew what it was, figured it'd probably be a good idea to get it."

"Okay." I sip at my water and think of something else.

"By the way that Winchester Rampage? I know it wasn't you boys that was freaking crazy. What was it?"

"Yeah, they were Leviathans."

"Leviathans?"

"Yeah they are nasty s.o.b's from Purgatory, they are black goo that shapeshifts into you with one touch. Very hard to get rid of."

"Yeah?"

"You need to hit them with Borax, separate the head and keep it apart from the body otherwise they regenerate."

"Eww."

"Yeah, so beer?" As he gets up, getting one for himself.

"I don't drink Sam. You saw my last drop of alcohol, I'm glad you did that. Thank you. Would hate to think about what could've happened to Jacob if I'd kept going."

"So Jacob, huh? How'd you decide on that?"

Take another sip of water as I consider what to say. "After Sam's dad and yours."

Sam frowns. "Sam? As in Colonel Carter?"

"Yeah." Dean reappears at that moment. "Are they okay?"

"She says he's fine, she'll have him till Sam gets home."

"Ta." Finally I actually want to have my slice that Sam got especially for me. Sit there quietly nibbling at it, unsure of what to say now. Once again find myself wondering what's going on in Sam's head, wishing I could read his mind. We clearly need to talk but I don't think he's ready to tell Dean, probably needs some time to process my little bombshell and I'm so very tired.

"Mind if I lie down?" Sam helps me over to one of the bright pumpkin orange beds, the cover thinning, covered in bobbles of thread that have come loose and knotted.

When he probably thinks I'm asleep Dean teases Sam. "I think she likes you."

"Yeah." He replies noncommittally, getting up to grab another beer. This really isn't going to go well if Dean keeps pushing.

Later, I kick off most of my blankets - this hot and cold thing really blows! Sam gets up to put his bottle in the trash and when he opens the door Dean calls out. "Where you going?"

"For a walk." He says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world, then lightly closes the door, probably trying not to wake me.

I'm not all that surprised, but he's leaving me to try to sleep with only Dean in the room, oh joy. Plus now I'm cold again. Don't see any point trying to pretend now. Sit up and drag the blankets tight around.

Huffing I make Dean jump when I speak up. "This is seriously gonna last a few days? I'm over it already."

"Sorry but it's better than being dead." Dean points out.

"Or a filthy bloodsucker I suppose. So how'd you find the cure?"

Dean shrugs. "Campbell family recipe."

"Like the soup?" Give a light giggle, that concoction tasted nothing like soup.

"Kinda like, yeah I guess."

"Did you get the nest?"

"Yeah I did, don't worry."

"Thanks for that too I guess then uhm."

"Do you want a drink?" He asks grabbing another beer for himself.

"Just water will be fine please."

"So these Leviathan things sound nasty?" Dean's shocked once more, nearly spills the glass of water he's brought over to my bed. "Sam told me about them, when you were on the phone to Cassie."

"No kidding."

"How many are out there?"

"Too many." He replies passing over the glass.

"Sounds bad." Unsure of what else I could possibly say, even if he knew I know more about hunting than he is aware of.

"You can say that again."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

Time passes slowly.

Not knowing what to say to a Winchester when you're trying to hide having knowledge of the Supernatural books. I forgot what this felt like. Plus my 'new' secret, who knows how Dean is going to take _that_ when it comes out.

Once again the silence is killing me so the part of me that needs a distraction decides to ask a stupid question of a Winchester.

"Dean, are you alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine?"

"It's just, you just have _the look_."

"The look?"

"The 'I smile because I have to, but I feel like I'm dying inside' look. I sort of recognise it, I've been doing it for a year. Don't worry. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry for prying." Playing with the blanket, adjusting it for the hundredth time. Wishing Sam would hurry back. I just wanna go home, have a damn shower, change my clothes and have something to do. I lie down again to at least rest, this awkwardness is worse than when I met Sam. Wow, was that really a whole year ago already?

"Do you mind if I ask you something?" Dean surprises me but have a feeling I know what's coming.

"Sure."

"You said you know the look. Well..."

"What happened?" He nods, putting his beer down to look at me while I ponder on my answer. "A year ago my uhm boyfriend died."

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that."

"He's not the first one I've lost, but yeah. I have no idea what or where I'd be if Jacob hadn't come along. At least something good came out of last year."

 **To Sam** :  
*I know u probly wanna be on ur own atm but I'm having trouble staying here with Dean alone. I really want you to take me home so I can shower n change plz 3G*

Turn the vibration back on in case he replies. Soon after that my phone rings, and it's not Sammy.

"Hello?"

I am so happy to hear the voice that answers me. "Hey what's up? Tried calling your normal number, got worried when there was no answer. I know you didn't want me calling this one. Cassie says you freaked out? She's doing fine with Jake so don't worry, he'll be alright."

Very aware of Dean listening into my end I try to think how to reply to her.

"Sorry, I think it's in the nursery. I'm going to be fine, I promise. Can't talk at the mo, when you coming home?"

"I'll be a few days at least." Hearing the unspoken apology and worry in her voice.

Carefully avoid looking at Dean when I consider the next part of the conversation. "Swin, do you mind?"

I can practically hear the cogs turning in her head. "Him staying or like _staying_?"

"Somewhere in the middle? Maybe, it's up to you I guess." I know I shouldn't be asking at all, but the next few days are going to be rough according to Dean.

"I think the same is fair." _Thank goodness_.

"Ta, I love you."

"I know that, but you care for him too. Just be careful." I snigger. "Not like that." She adds, knowing exactly what I'm thinking even if it's just a personal joke.

"I will, please get home soon hun."

"Love you, see ya soon as I can."

"Love you too. Bye." Hanging up I try stifling a sniff that shows talking to my girlfriend has kind of upset me. I want her to come home now.

"You okay?" Dean asks.

"For the record, I hate people asking me that, but yeah I'm fine."

It is dead quiet as I pretend to fall asleep until Sammy comes back. Feeling eyes look at me I turn towards him, seeing he's about to ask me I cut him off. "Don't." Shooting daggers from my eyes.

"Want me to shoot him?" Laughing, he looks at Dean. "Dude, how many times did you ask her?"

Dean is completely baffled. "What?"

I mutter. "Just once or twice."

Sam turns to me. "Ah so low tolerance then?"

"Ya think?" If this doesn't result in something soon I'm going to be in a very bad mood. Thankfully Sam asks if I would like to go home.

"Yes, please." Begging with the relief of getting somewhere I can control.

"Okay then, let's go."

Grab my things as fast as my tired, changing body can go. "Thanks Dean, see ya later."

Never thought I'd be in a car with Sam again. And it's STILL NOT BABY. Let a small giggle escape. "What?" He asks me.

"Sorry bit tired, just, remember how pissed I was last time we were in a car together?"

"Yeah." He smirks then frowns.

"So how you doing with well, you know?"

"I don't know." The grip on the steering wheel tightens slightly.

"I'm sorry, s'pose there was no good way to tell you that news. I'm dying for a shower, if you're ready to talk afterwards then we can. It's up to you."

We get in my front door, I lead him to the lounge to get my photo album, "Here, you can look through this while I'm in bathroom if you want. Make yourself at home."

Go up and brush my teeth well, but carefully as my gums are not happy about my transformations, before jumping in the shower. Put on some clean and comfortable clothes. Still starving so raid my fridge, calling out. "Want anything to eat? A beer?"

He comes in, "Sure, beer. Thought you don't drink?"

Handing him a bottle I smile a little. "Don't live alone either."

"So do you want to sit in lounge?" He shrugs, we go back to the lounge.

Once comfy as can be going through this crappy transformation back to a normal person I speak up again. "So, Sam, where you wanna start?"

"No idea."

I'm not sure if my nausea right this moment is from the cure or nervousness at being alone with Sam. "Neither, how's your wall thing?"

"Gone."

 _What_? "You're still standing? Thought you were a goner if it got cracked?"

"It's- complicated."

"In other words, 'I don't want to talk about it'? Okay. Then what do you want to talk about?" More silence, he's not happy. Sighing I admit to myself I'm still tired. "It's alright if you're not up for talking yet. I'm a mother that doesn't have the baby, sick or not l need to try get as much sleep as I can. There's a spare room if you want to stay here, more time to think without Dean around since I pulled you from your walk."

Sam nods, getting up first to help me up while I hold on to my blanket, I lead the way upstairs, showing him to the room then grab my headphones and jump in my own bed. Spend ages tossing and turning, sitting up, lying down; the hot and cold flashes are driving me nuts. After a while there's a knock on my door, pull the earphones out, "come in," and he pushes the door open.

"You okay Sam? Do you need something?" He shakes his head and indicates the bed, so I nod. He settles on the edge, facing me, I wait for him to speak.

"So," he starts carefully, "uhm I don't know what to ask first."

"Just whatever comes to mind."

"When was he born?"

"January 16th."

"He's named after Carter's father? So you two are close?"

"You could say that." I was really hoping this wouldn't come up before I got a chance to rest.

"So ah you are-?"

Awkward… minor clearing of throat. "Yeah, we're together."

"Uhm okay."

"Yeah..."

"Anyway what do you want from me?"

"I'm going to stick with the 'no expectations' rules from last year. I don't want you to feel pressured into anything, alright? I know you don't wanna stop hunting and I don't want Jacob raised in the life. But I also don't want him to end up like Adam; not knowing his dad, not being able to protect himself. With these leviathan out there, I know you can't stop, just - what do you think?"

"I think you're right, about all of that."

"At least with Sam we have a bit more protection than most."

"'Because of the Air Force?"

"Yeah she's special uhm important. Not regular military. Sorta like black ops." Rubbing my head with both my hands. He looks at me with concern, "Don't." I whisper begging him in my mind not to ask if I'm okay.

"I wasn't going to, it's obvious that you're not alright but that's to be expected. I've watched Dean go through this, it was tough on him too, and you know some of how much shit he's been through. I just wish there was something I could do for you."

"Help me sleep? It's easier when you or Sam are around."

"But what about Sam?"

"She knows you're here, she knows how much you helped me at camp; how much I care about you. Sam's stuck at work for a few more days and is alright with you staying here, even uhm in the same bed. Just no funny business, not that I'm up to it right now anyway." Try to laugh weakly. "Just please?"

"Okay." He climbs under the covers with me, we snuggle up.

"What are you thinking?" I whisper as if it's a forbidden question. There's a long pause.

"That I don't want to tell Dean. Not yet anyway."

"But this is one of those things you shouldn't keep from each other."

"Yeah I know, but this is just really bad timing."

"Well it's up to you when, and I'll go with whatever you choose. Though I'd really rather he not know I've read the books but that's the only thing I wanna keep from him. No secrets, you know they ruin relationships. You and your brother have one of the most important relationships ever, and haven't you noticed it's when you keep things from him or him from you that you guys fall out? Sorry putting my foot in it again, I'll shut up now." Lean my head into his chest.

"I guess you're right." Sam says quietly, resting his chin in my hair.

"Do you wanna meet him? Could have Cas bring him over in the morning?"

"Cas?"

"Sorry Cassandra, Sam's goddaughter. Cassie helps me out when Sam's away at work."

"Uhhm."

"You don't have to if you still need time? This must be a lot to take in even for you."

"I think you need to sleep and we can talk later."

"Okay." Kissing him on the cheek and snuggling in closer, closing my eyes, hoping my symptoms don't bug him. But damn if I haven't missed this.

It's a rough night but I get through it, thanks to Sammy.

* * *

Cleaning up the next morning after breakfast I decide enough of the small talk. He's sitting at the kitchen table while I make us some coffee. "So did you decide anything?"

With a small shrug he replies "No, not yet."

 _This is going to be like pulling teeth, again_. "Is the case over?"

"Yeah."

"Are you going to be leaving?"

"I want to stay, at least till Sam is here, but I just don't know how to stay. Dean." Sam explains simply, with the tiniest hint of a whine.

 _Yes, please stay_. "You could just tell him _that_. You want to make sure I'm not left alone till she's home. It's not as if it's a lie, and you are allowed time to deal." Making sure to look into those confused eyes.

"So you and Carter?"

Break eye contact with him, "hmmph. Not a very subtle change of the subject Sammy. What about her?"

"Well-"

"Spit it out. I don't bite."

"Never mind." Sam sighs and leans back into his chair.

"Am I gay?"

A short sound vaguely resembling a laugh precedes his answer. "No, that wasn't it."

"Okay, so what then?"

"Just, I see it now."

 _What the hell is he on about_? "See what?"

"The day you blew up at me, you were pissed off with her too." Oh right. That week was so hard.

"Well yeah there's a reason I thought I was a slut. That day I definitely felt like one." Put a coffee down in front of him, sit on the opposite side of the table and stare into my mug.

"You're still not a slut."

"Seriously? Barely twenty-four hours after Jamie was gone I made a move on you, then up in the cave with her there was this moment which she freaked out on so I freaked out then we get back from the cave and well you know the rest. Add alcohol and bang." Sip at my cup. "You still think I wasn't a slut?"

"No, you're not. That was just... a bad week."

"Right." Shake my head, snigger, gripping the cup.

"So you're happy?" It's a genuine question.

"In general, yeah. What about you?"

"Not really." _Wow, an honest answer from Winchester. Where's the camera_?

"What's up?"

"It's been a rough year."

"Yeah, no kidding. Anything to do with your Hell wall being gone?"

"That's definitely part of it."

"Part?" Look up from toying with my mug.

"It's a really long story."

"Okay well I'm not trying to pry you just seem different, sadder; and that was before I- added to your load."

"Well it's only me and Dean now, it's been tough."

I think about that for a moment. "Oh no. Bobby's gone? I'm so sorry." Lay my hand gently on his for a short time. "I dunno what to say. What happened?"

"He got shot, in the head by a levi."

"Oh shit and now you have this to deal with. I'm so sorry." _Breathe Grace_. Where do I look now? Flick to cup, then lap, settling on a spot on the table.

"It's not your fault. Though Dean isn't going to take _this_ well, it's why I want to wait to tell him."

Not looking up I ask "Do you wanna stay tonight as well?" _Please say yes_.

"Yeah but I'll need to go see him otherwise he'll think, well who knows. He could see you like me, in any case I'll need a change of clothes." We exchange small smiles, what Dean thinks doesn't matter, it's too late.

"Right well I'll be fine here, well as okay as I can be, whenever you want to go. I need to see Jake, would you rather they come while you aren't here?"

"No, I'd like to meet him."

"Okay. Now or did you wanna get your stuff first?"

"I'll go see Dean first. See how things go. Don't think I'll be telling him today though."

"Alright so if I get Cassie to come over tonight for dinner then you'll have time to process whatever happens with Dean? I could order chinese and get her to pick it up?"

"Sounds good."

"Okay. So that's a plan."

"You gonna be okay on your own?"

"I'm going to settle on the couch 'nd watch some crap TV or something. It's starting to get easier, handling these bloody changes. I will be _glad_ when it's over. Till dinner I'll just rest up. Feel free to do whatever you want."

Getting up put my cup in the sink, and head to the nursery to collect my normal phone. Pace around the room, attempting to relieve my mind of overloading with everything. I could've hurt my baby boy when I turned, I was begging Dean to kill me so I wouldn't hurt anyone. If there hadn't been a cure I'd be dead right now and would Sammy even know, about me, or about Jake? And my Sam, would she have been left with no explanation, assuming that after beheading me Dean would've taken my body.

Cross my arms hugging across my chest with my back to the door, staring in the crib and leaning against the end; remembering walking across campus in the early evening and being jumped on by the douche-bag behind a dumpster in an alley as he shoved me against it, whispering how pretty I am; scratched his wrist with his fingernail and swiped his blood all over my mouth. A group of girls came along and he ran off. They walked me to the campus security office then back to my car. I raced to pick up Jake and get home, put him in his crib with a bottle after changing his nappy before I felt strange eventually leading to fangs breaking through for the first time - which is when I locked myself in the bathroom, freaking out, had no idea what to do.

I'm brought out of the loop by Sam knocking on the doorway, "Hey you okay?" Coming in with concern filling his eyes.

"Yeah was just overthinking things, the other day was-" Screw being calm. I'm going to explode if I keep it in any longer. "I was so scared Sam, what if Dean hadn't found me? I could have fed! What if you didn't have a cure? I was begging him to kill me he would've had to and Jake would grow up without me. Just like you did." He gives me a hug from behind and pulls me back to sit me down in the chair. "I feel like the jackass shouldn't have been able to turn me in the first place," crying hard out now.

"Hey no; it's not your fault." Now he's kneeling in front of me, grabbing my face in his hands, trying to make eye contact with me, "and you're not dead, you're not a vamp so stop it. You're going to be fine Grace. You are here, you're getting better, Jacob is fine." Eye to eye, wiping away my tears with his right index finger crooked and kissing me on the forehead.

"Thanks Sammy. I'm sorry."

"You have got to stop apologising when you haven't done anything to be sorry for. Except calling me Sammy."

"Sorry." I wipe my face with a sleeve to clear anything Sam missed.

He gives a little chuckle as he pulls me into a standing position and wraps me tight in his arms, quickly calming me down. "Right. Shouldn't you get back to Dean before he assumes we are going at it like rabbits?"

"Yeah was just coming up to get my shoes from the spare room."

I pick up my cell phone and go down to the lounge, flick on the TV and start channel surfing. Sammy checks on me before leaving and I settle in for a rough day, texting Cassie about dinner and updating my girlfriend, reassuring them I'm fine.

Sammy returns mid-afternoon, one look at him as he comes through the lounge doorway makes his bad mood evident.

"Didn't go well at the hotel then?"

"We were right he thinks we're- anyway here's your wallet, Dean found it next to a dumpster."

"Thanks." Chucking it on the side table behind the couch. Going back to wrap up in the duvet. "You look like shit Sammy, when was the last time you slept? You can't have got any last night with my flashes."

"Don't worry about me."

"Go on, go up and grab a couple of hours before dinner." He gives me a 'come on' look.

"Would you rather I bombard you with awkward questions that make me want to cut my tongue out?" Shaking off my covers. "Just go, it could be another rough night so stop being stubborn. I need you to get a little sleep, please."

"Okay, yes. See you in a few hours then."

Put on some random DVD on while working on a Sudoku book, until the doorbell rings. Despite feeling like crap practically skip to open the front door and stand back to let Cassie and Jake in. "Hey Cassie, how's my gorgeous wee boy?" Turning away quickly.

"He's good, not much trouble at all."

"That's good, how about you?" Leading the way into the kitchen.

Cassie ignores my question, "So what's wrong?" She gasps, failing at hushing herself up. "Your eyes!" I've turned to take the takeaway bags off her so she can put Jake's seat down and freeze at her reaction.

"Calm down hun. I was very sick, I got scared. Thank you for coming to get Jake, I'm still not well enough to look after him." Cassie's unpacking the food while I unbuckle Jake from his car seat for a giant cuddle, before putting him down in his bouncy seat. "I'll be right back sweetie." Heading upstairs to the spare room.

Sam's lying face down on top of the bed, holding the pillow closely. It almost seems a shame to wake him. "Sammy?" Walk up to him and tentatively grab his shoulder. He grabs my arm tight, before he realises what's going on and pulls back.

"Come down to the kitchen, when you are ready. Dinner is here."

TBC 

**A/N  
** Happy Birthday Dean Winchester!  
Your present is Sammy lying to you... again.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

Cassie looks odd when I set a third place at the dining table, but doesn't say anything. Tickle then I pick up my precious baby, "Hi Jake, miss me? I've missed you so much." Bouncing him a bit before holding him close.

Sam cautiously walks in. "This is Dean's brother, Sam meet Cassie." They shake hands, he's staring at me and Jake, "and this is Jacob. Do you want to hold him?"

Sounding unsure Sam answers. "No, I'm right." The look in his eyes becomes furtive.

"Okay, let's eat then. Sit down everyone."

Sam sits down at the end of the dining table furthest away from me and Cassie, I place Jake in his bouncy seat on the floor next to me. Minor small talk ensues while we eat, then we retire to the lounge, hand Sam a beer, he takes a sip, still watching the baby. Sam puts it down on the coffee table. "Can I?" Glancing at Jake.

"Of course," leaning down to carefully put Jake in his arms. I'm actually glad for the break, it's difficult dealing with the flashes of my change while I'm holding him. Watching Sam closely until he relaxes and seems comfortable enough. "Are you doing okay with him?"

"Yeah, I'm good." I love that smile, I bet he doesn't wear it near often enough.

Pull out my phone. "May I take a photo of you with him?" Snap a few when Sam nods and sit closely to them, passing the phone to Cassie to take a few pictures of all three of us, then we put the phone away and Cassie sits down on the armchair on my side of the couch.

"So Cassie, do you mind having him again? Sam says she'll be home tomorrow night, you can bring him back then."

"He's more than welcome and I will have him tomorrow night too. We don't want her straight on baby watch when she gets here and you look like shit Grace."

Laugh trying to play offended. "Thanks a lot!" My voice evens out as I admit defeat. "Yeah I know, I feel it too. Should be okay in a few days."

Cassie is prevented from further interrogating me when her mobile phone rings. She looks at the caller ID in surprise. "Hello?" There's a drawn out pause as she listens to the caller. "Sure. It's for you Sam." I reach to take my son back so he can take the phone.

"Hello? Dean? What's-?" His face changes, panic? Something's wrong. "Okay. Bye." Hangs up fast, takes his own cell out of his pocket. "Damn."

"What's wrong?"

"My phone's dead. Dean needs help," giving me a 'oh crap' look.

"It's okay go, I'll be fine for a few hours. Take my phone." Handing it over to him. "I'll charge yours." Continuing to hold out my hand for it.

He almost automatically presses the home button which reveals the device is locked. "What's your pin?"

I beckon him closer, whispering, "It's kinda your birthday, year first." Sam passes me his dead lump of technology and bursts out laughing. "Really?"

"Yup. Sorry." I laugh too, especially at his expression when he gets it right on the second try and shakes his head. "Get going."

Cassie is quiet after Sam leaves. "What's up hun?"

"You really scared me when you called. I thought something was really wrong."

"It was but Dean helped out and I'm going to be fine. I'm sorry I scared you but I was terrified myself. To be honest I thought I wasn't going to make it. That's why I had you come, I needed Jake to be safe."

From her expression I can see she is upset and confused. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Yeah there is but I can't tell you. Just trust me."

"I do."

We talk for a wee bit longer, before she leaves with Jake and I'm again left on my own, nothing to distract from the flashes, which at least are getting somewhat further apart. I lock the front door and head up to take a shower, catching a glimpse of my eyes in the mirror. They are still very spotty with blood, at least they aren't full blown like yesterday.

No wonder Cassie was freaked out. Hopefully I never have to explain to her what happened. Take a nice long shower and change, turn on my radio, and sit on my bed doodling on my phone pad, until get bored and pick up my book, reading until Sam's leaning in the open doorway. He's spattered with fresh blood.

"The nest?"

"Yeah. Turns out they weren't all home when Dean was there the first time and picked up his scent."

"All good now?"

"We think so."

"Feel free to have a shower. Want me to put a load of washing on?"

"Thanks," he goes into the spare room to get some clean clothes out of his bag. I follow him.

"You got anything else you want washed while it's on?"

"You sure?"

"Yeah, dump anything you want done on the floor. I'll see to it while you're in the shower."

"Alright, thanks Grace."

"I'll leave you to it." Wait in my room for the sound of the shower before go back to the spare room for the pile, and the bloody clothes aren't there.  
Knock on the door, "Yeah?"

"I uhm want the clothes you were wearing." Cringing at how bad that sounds.

"Come in." Have to take a deep breath in and out before I open the door. See the pile on the floor and can't help myself - I look up at the shower and above the frosted portion of the glass there's water running over his back. Catch myself licking my lips.

 _Oh man have I missed that body_.  
 _Whoa Grace, those are some dangerous thoughts. Just get the clothes and get out_.

Picked up the clothes, retrieve the rest from the bedroom. Run down the two flights of stairs and get the load on, not being able to help dwelling on the memories of that toned body close to mine, making me tingle as if it was just yesterday.

 _How hard is it going to be sharing with him tonight_?

But it's that or try to sleep on my own which was hard enough this past year without going through the cure. Slowly make my way back upstairs, wishing that Sam was home, take a photo out of my drawer. Turn on my bedside lamp, look at her picture while turn the big light off and open my book staring at her, closing it in the book when Sammy comes in, wearing his navy v-neck shirt and black track pants. Put the book down on my bedside table before hopping into bed, he's still just standing in the doorway.

"Something wrong Sam?"

"No." He comes over putting my phone down on Sam's bedside table before slipping beneath the sheets too, lying on his side so we are both facing each other. "Thanks."

"No problem Sammy." Roll over to my other side and try to control my thoughts now spinning out of control fast; wanting to ask about Dean and Jacob or worse touch him. My head is starting to ache with the conflict. Reach over into my table drawer for a few ibuprofen and settle down on my back for a few minutes before a hot flash has me throwing back the covers and on my side once more. Sam rubs my back, while I take deep breaths.

"Damp face cloth?"

"Yes please." Sam goes into my ensuite to wet one, climbing back into bed, he leans over me so he can pat my face with it.

"Ta." I turn my head a little to give him easier access and find his lips on mine. He pulls back and I sit up, opening up the cloth he dropped on the top of my chest so I can cover my whole face, heart pounding away. Ignoring (or at least trying to) the ' _he kissed me_ ' now doing cartwheels in my mind.

Sam whispers, "Sorry, I was going for your cheek."

I mutter, "It's okay," patting my burning face down. Then as if on a cue I start shivering again. _Damn, I thought this thing was slowing down_. He grabs my side of the covers and pulls them back up, I lie down and he wraps his arms around me, on top of the covers, placing the cold cloth on the table.

Remembering when we were holed up in that cabin is not helping, wishing we were back there now. My eyelids are heavy. _Just breathe, close your eyes, you'll have Sam back tomorrow night and everything will be just fine_.

* * *

Never completely dropping off, I remain in a close to dozing off state while Sam is occasionally leaning over, patting down my face again when there is a creek out in the hall, I feel his whole body stiffen up when the bedroom door opens.

"Oh it's you," he whispers, relaxing. "We weren't expecting you. Do you want me to go?"

A quiet female voice comes closer. "Don't wake her yet. What the hell happened?"

"She was attacked by a vampire, it tried to turn her, well actually it did. Dean tracked Grace here and was probably intending to kill her. He still doesn't know we knew each other prior to the attack. I wasn't here, I was finishing a hunt a few hours away. She called Cassie before she knew about the cure. Let Dean into the bathroom once Cassie had gotten Jacob out of here so he could chop her head off. She begged him to do it. Thankfully in her panic Grace let him know she was scared of hurting someone and hadn't so he was able to calm her down enough to track her sire. She never fed so Dean was able to make up a cure."

"Her sire?"

"The cure requires the blood of the sucker who makes you a vampire."

"How is she doing now?"

"Well the cure is kicking her in the arse, it's gonna be rough for another day or so. Then she'll be fine, I've seen it work before."

"And how are you?" The female voice asks tentatively.

"You mean 'do I know about Jacob?' Don't you? Still getting used to the idea."

"Yeah I bet, must've been a shock."

"Oh yeah. So how come you're home early?"

"Well I will need to talk to Grace alone."

"Okay, Grace." Sam moves to get up shaking my shoulder lightly, raising my consciousness level.

Groggily I moan at him. "Sam? What's happening?"

"You have a visitor." He half-whispers. I sit up while he gets out of bed. Then I spot the so-called visitor.

"Sam? Oh my god, you're home." She sits on my side of the bed to give me a giant hug. "Man I missed you."

"Me too."

The door snaps closed. I kiss her hard, then turn on the lamp. She's wearing her blue BDUs. "Hang on, you're not dressed like a civilian?"

"I haven't been back to base."

"Misusing Hammond resources are we?" I laugh.

"Grace," she picks up my hand in hers, my heart drops. "Yes, I beamed home. There's a problem, I won't be back tonight; but I couldn't concentrate on work though. Had to find out what was going on with you. Sam told me about the vampire. I want you checked out by someone at work. The Hammond breaks orbit in a few hours, come up with me now, to it's infirmary."

"What about Swin? We can't just beam out, we can't tell him what we're doing either."

"Lock the door."

"Hellooo, he's just as good as you are at picking."

"We won't be long."

"Okay, let's hurry." Sam locks the door, grips my hand, pressing the red button on a small black device. We're surrounded by brilliant flash of white light. When it disappears I'm standing in a blue-grey hallway of a hard-edged ship, I don't have much time to look around. I drink in every detail I can, feeling a strange vibration wherever we go as she leads me around. "This way." We take an elevator to the infirmary for quick exam, scan and blood test for them to study later. Soon we have beamed straight back to my bedroom.

Embracing me she whispers in my ear. "I'm sorry I have to leave so soon."

"Don't apologise for doing your job hun, I sorta knew what I was getting myself into when we got together. Just come back to me, preferably in one piece."

Slightly stand on tiptoes to kiss her, she pulls me sideways to sit on the edge of the bed, quickly we are madly grabbing each other's heads, I take off her jacket, hands up under her black t-shirt, one going under her bra to grab a nipple, sliding the other around her back to pop the bra open for easier access. She runs a splayed hand up my thigh, feel a sizzle at her touch, dropping my hands to the bottom of her shirt and pull it off, sliding her bra off and lean down to grab a tit in my mouth while grabbing her now free milky white breast slowly at first, wanting to take my time, but also highly aware our time is short.

I need her. I need my Sam.

Sam is pulling off my pajama top and she grabs my breasts too, hard and rough; pinching and twisting my nipples. I lose myself in my head enjoying her presence, her touch, her smell, trying to remember every little sensation. I run the shower for Sam, she follows me to the ensuite in all her glory and pulls my hand sweetly dragging me into the large glass enclosure with her and we take our time soaping each other up with puffs, lightly kissing and playing.

We dry off and just lie in bed for a short while until Sam looks at me kissing me softly. "I have to get back."

"I love you." She gets up to put her 'uniform' back on, I put my pajama shorts and top back on.

Start singing to her while I braid her long blonde hair.

 _"Sam, don't be a hero, don't be a fool with your life.  
_ _Sam, don't be a hero, come back and make me your wife."  
_ _And as Sam started to go, she said "Keep your pretty head low.  
_ _Sam, don't be a hero, come back to me."_

Sam turns and hugs me when the song is done. "I love you honey." Sam can't really delay her departure much longer and she drags herself off the bed.

"I know, now get out there and save the world." A quick peck on the lips and a tight, snappy hug with a pat on the bum later Sam goes through to say goodbye to Swin before going down to the lounge to beam back into orbit. I crawl back into bed and pull my covers tight around, hugging my pillow as my chest tightens, curl up into a ball, and cry myself to sleep.

I dream about Sam in the cave, not waking up; about Sammy burning in Hell.  
I dream about the locker room, all of my worst nightmares rolled into one.

* * *

When I wake I'm surprised to find myself alone. I kinda thought Sammy would rejoin me when Sam left. I take a couple of ibuprofen, still sitting in bed brush my hair. Get up to wash my face then crawl back under my sheet mostly face down gripping tightly to my pillow. I don't care what time it is. It's irrelevant today.

Laying there for I don't know how long, not even really noticing my changes much. No interest in doing anything. And no sign of Sammy.

I go to the bathroom, taking a long look at my eyes which thankfully are nearly clear of the red spots.  
It's almost over. Hungry, I finally brave the world outside my bedroom and make a peanut butter and banana sandwich.

Sit at the kitchen table, picking at it when Sam comes in from outside. "Hey Sam." My voice sounds just like I feel, disinterested.

"How you doing Grace?"

"Fine." In the same monotone as before. Giving up on my sandwich I leave it there and go into the lounge, pick up my sudoku book, plonk on the couch and pretend to do one.

He comes through a few minutes later, fresh coffee in hand, sitting in an armchair. After a few more long minutes of awkward silence he heavily breathes in and out again. "Do you want me to stay tonight?"

Twist my neck around to face him. "You can stay however long you want." Then turn back to 'doing' my sudoku.

"That's not what I asked."

I want to scream 'YES!' Part of me wants to be alone. But Sam is a hunter, he can't stay forever and one part of me thinks it's not fair on myself to try and keep him around, even for just another day. The 'Yes' part is also screaming ' _You'll be alone soon enough, make the most of some company before you become a solo mother again_.' Turning towards him, keeping the monotone voice on. "Don't you have to leave?"

"I don't have to do anything." Very passionately he emphasises the 'have'.

"What about Dean?"

"He can leave if he wants to. I'll do what I want." Sam says defiantly.

"And that is?"

"Right now, to know what you want." Well this is going to go in circles, inwardly roll my eyes.

"That's not fair." Twisting back around to my original position.

"Why not?" he waits a moment. "Grace?" Another minute passes in silence so he gets up and sits in front of me, he lowers the sudoku book. "What's not fair?"

"What I want, it isn't fair on anyone." I'm still staring into the book so he gently pulls it out of my hands. Softly states. "You once told me you would tell me **anything** that I asked."

 _Shit_! "Yeah I will, anything but this." My heart is on the edge of breaking. _Please don't push this Sammy_. My breathing is getting heavier, try to breathe deeply but it just makes him lean in closer, making this all the harder. My chest is being crushed. I close my eyes. "Please leave me alone Sammy, please." _Damn I sound pathetic_.

"Not this time, Grace, what was it you said to me? Spill."

 _No, nope, no way_. "You don't want me to."

Trying to grab for my hands which I pull back, clasping them under my chin so he settles for my knees. "I do." My heart rate and breathing speeds up. I've spent all year trying not to think this, how on earth can I possibly say it aloud? "Tell me Grace what is wrong?"

"It's greedy and selfish."

"It's okay Grace, whatever it is."

"I want- No!" He squeezes my knee and rubs it. "I want Sam home. I want you to stay. I want both of you. Stay here with me, and Jake. It's selfish I know to want to take either of you away from the world. I …" voice breaks up. He's dropped his hands in surprise, so I take the chance to flee to my bedroom. Locking it doesn't feel enough, go into the bathroom and lock that too. Slide to the floor with my back against the door.

* * *

After a few hours I realise I'm being childish. _I can't hide in here forever_ , I'm going to have to face him and I'm starving. _Should have made myself eat that sandwich_.

Wash my face, head back into my room, unlock it, opening the door a crack, letting him know he can come in if he wants then curl up on top of my bed on my right side with my left arm raised over my face, blocking any light.

After only about fifteen minutes more I can't take my own thoughts any longer, lightly walk downstairs to rescue my sandwich and get something else to eat as well. Staring into the fridge I can only see the beer, not any food which is not a good sign since I know there is more than beer in there. Slam it shut and head for the lounge to find my photo album. Sammy is sitting back in the armchair with a beer held loosely in his palm on the armrest.

Do I speak or do I run?

I have to stop running. Stealing myself I sit in my usual spot on the couch. "I'm not asking anything of you Sam, what I want it doesn't matter. What's one person to the rest of the world anyway?"

Picking bits off my sandwich eating and begin to mumble. "This is what I get for letting myself get close to someone. After Jamie I swore I wouldn't." _Then I have to go and fall for the two most important Sams' on the planet. Always in danger, every time I see them could be the last but they are both saving the world, what would it be like if they weren't out there_?

I'm being stared at, I can feel it so I speak up. "Sam, well she was definitely a surprise, and it took her some getting used to the idea of us. I don't blame her for that one but she also," _You need to change subject_! "I dunno. But you Sam, you don't have to do anything, okieday? I don't want you to feel pressured into being a dad or staying. In fact, I know you can't stay but if you are okay with staying here with me just for tonight I would like that. It's all up to you. Another one?" Indicating to his now empty beer.

"Sure, thanks." Reach out to take his bottle from his side, he keeps facing forward. Unreadable. Go grab him a beer. Hand it to him from his side again, too chicken to face him, pick up my album and speed to bed, changing my pajamas then jump in and browse through the pages.

Lightly doze off with it open to photos with me, Samantha and Jake in the park. Feel a touch on my arm, think I hear my girl saying 'hey baby' so pull my arm off my face. It's just Sammy. He hadn't said a thing.

"Hey." Sam doesn't respond, just closes the photo album and puts it on the table so he can climb in and snuggle up. We wrap our arms around each other and he falls asleep, snoring lightly which eventually puts me to sleep too, head resting on his chest.

TBC 

**A/N  
** Once again this a Winchester birthday present, aren't I getting slack? Hopefully it wont be Dean's birthday again before I update next. Happy 35th Birthday Sammy!

The song is Grace's StarGate version of 'Billy Don't Be A Hero' by Paper Lace that PaulaB87 wrote specifically for this story, Grace sings the whole thing while doing Sam's hair, written below. And yes the lyrics 'Grace wrote' mean Samantha and Cassandra have told her a lot about the StarGate rather quickly; Sam because of what happened to Pete and Cassie because it's nice to talk to someone who doesn't care she's an alien & that isn't part of the SGC or Homeworld Security.  
Paula is also directly but unintentionally responsible for another line in this chapter. Cookies for those that guess it, when not even the one who caused it can figure it out. Hehehe :)

 _The marching band came down along Maine Street_  
 _And SG-1 fell in behind_  
 _I looked across and there I saw Sam_  
 _Waiting to go and join the line  
_  
 _And with her head upon her shoulder  
_ _Her young and lovely fiancée  
_ _From where I stood I saw she was crying  
_ _And through her tears I heard her say_

 _"Sam, don't be a hero, don't be a fool with your life._  
 _Sam, don't be a hero, come back and make me your wife."_  
 _And as Sam started to go, she said "Keep your pretty head low._  
 _Sam, don't be a hero, come back to me."_

 _SG-1 was trapped on a hill side_  
 _The goa'uld were all around_  
 _O'Neil cried "We gotta hold on guys_  
 _We gotta hold this piece of ground._

 _I need a volunteer to gate back_  
 _And bring us back some extra men."_  
 _And Sam's hand was up in a moment_  
 _Forgettin' all the words she said_  
 _She said..._

 _"Sam, don't be a hero, don't be a fool with your life._  
 _Sam, don't be a hero, come back and make me your wife."_  
 _And as Sam started to go, she said "Keep your pretty head low._  
 _Sam, don't be a hero, come back to me."_

 _I heard her fiancee got a letter_  
 _That told how Sam died that day_  
 _The letter said that she was a hero_  
 _She should be proud she died that way_  
 _I heard she threw the letter away._


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

Wake in the morning to find Sam staring at me. "You had a good night." He remarks, the first thing I've heard him say other than 'sure thanks' since my completely selfish revelation of something totally unreasonable the previous afternoon.

Close my eyes thinking back on the night. "Yeah I think so. Don't remember any flashes."

"No nightmares either." Sam whispers.

"I guess. So it's over?"

"Let me see your eyes." I look up into his eyes. We get lost staring at each other until he shakes his head. "Yeah you're pretty much clear, not completely but it won't take long now."

Can't help but let a sigh of relief escape. "Okieday, well that's something. Right, breakfast." Put some track pants on over my pajama shorts and head down followed by Sam. Get the jug on and some toast for me, ask Sam what he wants but he gets it for himself.

Other than noise from moving around we are back to silence. Neither of us are willing to ask if the other is okay or what we are thinking even though I'm dying to know what has been going through his head, well at any point since we met. But I have promised never to pressure him and I am trying not to ask anymore stupid questions of a Winchester.

We are sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee, in awkward silence; avoiding looking at him, leave Sam sitting at the table while I do the dishes and go to clean up the lounge while I have the chance. Finally I can't take the silence. Return to the kitchen where he's rinsing his cup in the sink. Suddenly I'm nervous about speaking up again.

"Cassie is dropping off Jacob after 5 PM, do you wanna see him again before you leave?"

"If that's okay with you?"

Almost forcing a smile. "Of course, you can see him whenever you want. Dean can too, once you tell him." Silence resumes while I give Sam a chance to respond, after waiting what feels like ages I continue. "Did you want to stay for dinner again? If Dean's still here he could come too. Promise no talk about Jacob if you don't want. Anyway options there." Halfheartedly waving a hand randomly.

"Can I think about it?"

"Sure you can. Ya know, I'll just make enough for everyone and if it's not all eaten I can freeze it. I am about return to essentially being a working student, single mother - so no big."

"Alright if that's good for you. Got any plans for today?"

Shrugging in thought. "Get as much study as I can done while Jake ain't here, what about you? Don't feel you have to hang around here all day."

"I don't know." Sam really sounds lost, I wouldn't think so just looking at him, maybe I could if I knew him better.

"Well feel free to talk to me while I study or do whatever. I plan for tea to be six thirty if your gonna go out today but eat here."

Scoot upstairs to grab my books and laptop to work on the kitchen table. Which he is still sitting at. I'm determined not to let this be another awkward thing and not talking unless he wants to so I'll just focus on my work until then.

Of course after about twenty minutes I break the silence. "Are you going to sit quietly, watching me study all day? It's a bit creepy, just as bad as you watching me sleep. Worse actually." Tease, continue trying to work.

"Sorry." Sam mumbles and shifts his position.

Tapping my pen against an open page, Sam watches as patterns emerge. "Do you miss it? Studying?"

"Well it's not as if I don't get to do research." His smile is back, even if it is barely that.

"Right," I smirk, giving a little laugh, "I used to do it for fun, now not so much. God that sounds a bit pathetic, don't it?"

"Nah I get it." That gorgeous smile widens into a grin for several moments.

Stop the tapping and lean forward leaning against the table with semi-crossed arms. "Okay so what's with the quiet time? If you didn't wanna talk you could be out there doing anything but you've just been sitting here with the crazy chick, doing nothing. Still no pressure." Bringing up a palm in assurance. "I'm just curious. Think that got me in trouble last time, so I'm leaving everything up to you." Uncrossing my arms and sort of interlinking my fingers while I figure out what to do with my hands, clearly not concentrating on any work at this moment.

"You're not crazy."

"How do you know?" Without giving him time to answer end up blurting a sudden thought. "By the way, does Dean know you still here?"

Sam simply replies, "I've been texting him."

"You haven't actually talked to or seen him then? What's the bet he'll think even more we are cheating on Sam? I mean your original plan was to leave when she got home last night and then well didn't." My small smile turns cheeky.

There is now a twinkle in Sam's eye. "He can think what he likes, we know the truth."

Shrugging, lose most of the smirk. "Hmm I s'pose." Then I leave it at that, diverting full attention back to studying for an hour or so, before getting up to stretch. "Coffee?" Switching on the radio and the kettle.

"Please." While waiting for it to boil, hunt through the cupboards for bikkies. Place a container on the table, pick one up. Sam grabs at my free hand as I go to walk back past to make the drinks.

"What?" Pulled down sit next to his chair, taking a bite of the chocolate coated biscuit.

Sam fidgets a bit before tentatively proceeding. "Were you okay?"

"When?"

Sam frowns in concern, clearly worried about what he is about to say. "When you found out you were pregnant."

Swallow my mouthful roughly. "No Sam, no I wasn't. It was a rough time to say the least."

My hands are clasped gently inside his. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"It's my fault, we weren't careful. That's on me."

"Hey it takes two ta tango buddy." Hold up two fingers. "Two people," with a sharp jab into his chest. "Both our fault." Indicating to each of us.

He lifts his head to look me in the eye. "But you were having a shitty week, your own words you 'weren't thinking clearly'. I was on a job," Breaking off again. "I should have been working the case."

"You were working Sammy, but you were also dealing with some pretty heavy crap yourself. So neither of us were responsible, we can't turn back time and I wouldn't want to." Resist the urge to pull my hand from his and caress his face.

"You wouldn't?"

"Absolutely. I love Jake. Sure the start of the pregnancy was hard bringing back memories of the first time and of camp - the good and the bad. Sure I've had uhm certain problems in the past that were difficult to not fall back into, but I knew that I couldn't do IT again or do anything to risk losing the baby. All I can say is if anyone had tried to take my chocolate off me, watch out! It's all I had left to cope with shit."

Get up to make the coffees. "Besides I don't want to think where, or what, I'd be right now if we hadn't ya know, gotten close. You know where I was headed and hell what just happened, it doesn't bear thinking about, does it?" Both of us remain quiet until I place the coffees on the table, sitting next to him again, study can wait.

"So where did Sam come in?"

"Well we kept in touch nearly everyday after camp," have to stop myself giggling while thinking 'when she was on Earth'. "Between you and her - that's what made me decide to go to college, started with a few summer classes. Sam would come visit whenever she had a few days off and we'd skype whenever she was able, she introduced me to Cassie so I'd have a friend my age around to talk to when she wasn't available."

Pausing break off any eye contact. "Then Sam started acting weird around me, it didn't take me long to figure her out. She was getting confused and couldn't stop thinking about 'the cave incident'. Then just as we were adjusting to these new feelings I started being ill, it was quite different from the first time round so I was about eleven weeks when I found out, nearly twelve."

My head's been down, looking in my lap but now I feel I need to make eye contact with him. "Not that I had a decision to make, you know that I made it years ago. But I was so afraid I'd scare her off, we were so new and at the time she didn't know I'd been pregnant before, when she accepted me anyway I told her everything." Take a breath to prevent myself from choking on my own words.

"She in turn told me some things she probably shouldn't have. It was difficult with her job keeping her away a lot but during the second trimester I was too sick to work so I stayed with Cassie so Sam could see me as much as possible. When I came home for the end, after Christmas, Cassie moved in with me. She moved out when he was a few weeks old but I still have her around and my studies and Jake to keep my mind occupied when Sam isn't home. Still have my crappy job, but in general things are good. Especially since I'm not a vamp or worse wouldn't you say?"

Sam appears pensive now that I've stopped talking. "Yeah I guess."

"So how are you doing with this whole Jacob thing?"

"I'm doing okay." Though Sam sounds anything but okay.

"Really?"

"Yes I'm okay with Jacob, it's the telling Dean part I have a problem with."

Dean, Dean, Dean. Of course the elder Winchester is the problem. "Because?"

"Not so long ago Dean ah uhm, had a similar issue."

"Dean has a kid?"

"Well no. He had a one night stand with a chick he met at a bar."

"Not unusual for him though right?"

"Hmm. This chick was a monster, an Amazon with a 16 year old daughter within three days of having no kids whatsoever."

"Oh, and uhm what happened?"

"And the girl tried to kill him so I had to kill her, Dean couldn't do it."

"So 'kids' goes under 'don't talk to Dean about this' at dinner? So how do you tell him this? Even though I'm not a monster, well now, and neither is your son."

Sam draws in a deep breath. "Hey. While we are on the subject, don't ah ever mention Lisa and Ben. Or something that could lead to them."

"He took losing them hard?"

"He had Cas wipe their memories after Crowley kidnapped them to keep us off his trail."

"That fucking bastard! Crowley, not Dean. Though wiping their memories? I'm not sure that was right thing to do."

"Yup."

"Don't _ever_ do that to me." Demand of Sam and he nods his agreement. "So with all this Leviathan crap you don't want to tell him since you have a job to do and it's hard enough dealing with losing Bobby?"

"That's pretty much it."

"Bad idea, keeping secrets from him but I kinda understand. So if he comes over, I'm pretty sure he's seen my tat; how do I explain it? If he asks. Can't exactly use The Ghostfacers for this one."

He rolls his eyes. "What you told Carter at the caves, you read about it somewhere."

"Nice callback." With a short laugh. "So is there anything else on the Dean no-go-list?"

"Well, Castiel is probably a safe bet."

 _Surprising subject to be off limits_. "What? How come?"

"Okay well, Cas broke my wall to keep Dean and Bobby from stopping him working with Crowley to get all the souls from Purgatory. This is how the Leviathan got loose. For a long time we thought he was dead, and I, well my wall was dust so I remember everything from when I was soulless and started seeing Lucifer everywhere."

"That doesn't sound good. Do you see him now?"

"I got hit by a car, it got me locked up in a psych ward from lack of sleep. Dean went looking for a healer and tracked down a miracle worker, Emmanuel, who turned out to be Castiel, just without any memories. Meg showed up and that lead to his memory coming back. He felt so guilty that he took on my Hell. He's now unconscious in that psych ward."

"Oh wow. You left him alone?" Frowning at that.

"Not exactly." Sam shifting is almost unnoticeable, almost. _What is he hiding_?

"What?"

"Meg is there. With Cas."

"Meg? _The demon_? The same one who worked with Yellow Eyes?"

"Yes that demon." I can't believe what I'm hearing. Why would they trust any demon after Ruby?

"A demon? Looking after an angel? That is whack."

"Yeah it is, but she needs protection from King Crowley. Dean calls it mutually assured destruction. If one of us tells on the other we all go poof."

"Poor Cas, I can't believe what he's done though."

"Neither could we, and that's only the start."

"Really? What else has he done?" Sam tightens his lips, roughly puts a hand through his thick hair. I'm starving and seems likely not going to get an answer so screw waiting for a decent lunchtime. Make up a couple of sandwiches, to stop myself from eating the entire biscuit tin.

Sam of course is watching me. "Really?" He's grinning.

"What?"

"Did you just put peanut butter with bananas?"

Preparing to get all defensive. "Yeah so what?"

"Dean _really_ doesn't like it when I do it, glad to see I'm not the only one."

"Want some?"

"Yes please."

So I make a few more sandwiches before returning to the table. "Sam doesn't get it either." Placing the plate between us. It's empty within minutes. "S'pose I better get some work done, unless you wanna talk some more? Well you can still talk to me anyway, but not heavy shit if I'm going to take anything in."

"No you should get back to your studying. I'm sorry for distracting you."

"Nah, you're all good." Move back to my chair opposite him. Soon I can't concentrate anymore. Close laptop; rubbing my eyes. Checking the time, it's only been ten minutes since he stopped talking again. Sighing pull my phone out, start playing solitaire on it, I'm slower than normal. Am I out of practice or is Sam watching me putting me off? Or both? Either way I'm soon bored with that too and chuck the stupid phone on table.

"Something else on your mind Sam?"

"There's always something, it's not as if you can stop thinking."

"True, but you know what I meant."

"Just wondering."

"Okay. Well I'm going stir crazy. Think I'll go out for a bit, want'a come?" Close and stack my textbooks.

"Nah, I might go for a walk though."

"Alrighty then, see ya later," Pocket my phone, go upstairs to change and grab my handbag. Drive to the supermarket for more food, beer, and baby formula. Then just drive around to be out of the house for a bit longer before going home to attempt more study and making an early start on dinner so I can take my time, reveling in the quiet while it lasts. Sam's car is gone when I get back.

* * *

Just after 5 o'clock Cassie brings my baby boy home. "Hey hun, you going to stay for dinner?"

"Not tonight, but thanks. Maybe another day."

"That's alright, can you stay a little longer though? Just so I can finish up." Indicating to the mess on the bench and mostly assembled pan of cheeseburger lasagna.

"Sure, are you okay now?"

"Yes I'm fine, just a little tired. Drink?"

She talks to me and plays with Jake on the dining room floor while I continue prepping food after getting her a water. Twenty minutes later Sammy waltzes in, surprising Cassie. "You're still here?"

"Yeah just making sure Grace is okay. We are leaving tonight after dinner."

"So Dean is coming?" Cassie seems a little anxious at that.

Begin preparing a bottle for Jake, I might be cured but I don't even know if my milk will return, plus to be on the safe side will wait a few days if it does to see what happens with me before trying to breastfeed again.

"Yeah he'll be here soon, after checking out of the hotel." Sam leans against the wall, the bit of small talk continues, pausing when I go to pick up Jacob to feed him, Sam looks like he wants to ask something.

"Cat got your tongue?" Sam shakes his head, no. "Do you want to feed Jacob?"

Happy, relieved, nervous Sam's face flashes, ending in excitement. "Yeah. Is that alright?"

"Sit down then," Instruct him so I can settle Jake in his arms and pass him the bottle. Make sure they're doing okay and Cassie is keeping an eye on him before going down to the laundry. "I'll be right back." Take out his stuff still in the dryer and fold it quickly and go back upstairs, just have to take a photo of what I find - Sammy laughing, seemingly completely comfortable with Cassie and Jake.

Until the doorbell rings.

"Come in Dean, it's open." Call out while I check on the oven and start cleaning up the bench.

"Well look at you Mister Domestic." Dean teases Sam as soon as he sees the position his younger brother is in.

"Hey Dean, want a drink?" Grabbing a couple of beers out putting them on the bench for him and Sam without waiting on an answer. "Here boys. You doing alright there Sam?"

Someone's grinning like the Cheshire Cat. "Yeah, I'm good." Dean opens and passes his little brother a beer.

Attention is drawn to my friend who is getting up to put her glass in the sink. "Sure you won't stay for tea Cassie?"

"I'm okay. Good to meet you boys. Good night." She leans down to give Jake a kiss and a tickle, slinging her purse over her shoulder, the front door snaps shut behind her.

Dean sort of paces around the kitchen and dining area looking around. "So how you feeling Grace?"

"Tired, but fine I guess; have you had a good day?"

He gives the patented Winchester shrug. "Yeah it was okay."

"Sam, you all good with Jake? I wanna run my books upstairs so can set the table." He answers with a smile. As I come back down the stairs I pause, stopping near the bottom when I hear the boy's harsh lowered voices.

Sam hisses. "Nothing is going on."

"So where's her partner? You said she'd be home." Dean growls back.

"She's delayed at work."

"So you're just playing happy families?"

"No Jacob hasn't been here, Cassie just brought him home." Sam states calmly.

"So you two have been here all alone and nothing's going on?"

Sam huffs loudly. "NO! Just talking and I've keeping an eye on Grace."

 _Oh boy_! Better stop this before it goes any further, running down the rest of the way.

"Yeah I bet." Dean spits, freezing momentarily when I come in, put some plates in the oven and get out the cutlery. "Thanks for inviting me to dinner." Trying for normality but can't quite hide the remaining tension.

"No problem, you saved me; gotta thank you and you boys probably don't get many home cooked meals living on the road."

"You are right about that." Draining his beer. I just turn and grab two more out of the fridge.

Sam is starting to look uncomfortable, minor shifting without disturbing Jake. "You okay Sam?"

"Yeah, just arm cramp." Flexing his hands, one at a time.

Picking up the tea towel to wipe my hands. "Okay just a minute."

"Don't worry, I'll get him, if you don't mind?" Dean looks at me for permission.

"Go for it." Grabbing oven mitts to take out the food, leaving the plates in the oven for a few more minutes while it cools.

Set the table while Dean's walks around, Sam is rubbing his arm and watching Dean burp Jake. The pie goes back in the oven; then place the plates followed by the food are set on the table before reaching to take my son from Dean and put him in his bouncy seat.

"It's okay." He carefully does it himself.

"Help yourselves." I announce, settling down and we all dig in. Eating means quiet, for about a minute.

With half a mouth full Dean makes some happy noises. "This is awesome."

"Thanks Dean."

"Thank you." I blush and beam. Sam's still quiet, I know he's nervous.

"You seem to be handling the whole vamp thing well."

I still, looking in my plate while I think. "Yeah. I'm fine." Slowly resuming utensil movement.

"I mean when you were turned you were remarkably calm."

"You call that calm?"

"Well controlled then. Especially for a newbie. I'm experienced in weird and had difficulty with controlling the need to feed. Don't tell anyone that." He adds pointing his fork at me.

"Your secret is safe with me but, well, it wasn't exactly my first freaky experience, and I had a good reason to try my best to be in control." Gaze down at Jake, reaching out to caress his little head.

"It wasn't your first?"

"No," look back to my food, pushing it around, trying not to look at Sam.

"What does that mean?"

"I told you about last year? My boyfriend?" Glance up just long enough to catch his nod. "He didn't die normally."

He just looks at me with raised eyebrows. "It was a ghost. Fun times."

"Oh. So I noticed your tattoo? When did you get it?"

"Yeeah, that's when I got it."

"But you're not a hunter?"

"Nope. I read quite a bit and came across it at some point, seemed fitting at that time to finally go get it. If ghosts are real what else is?" Risk a look at Sam who is shoveling his dinner like there's no tomorrow.

"So anyway you boys must have some good stories from the road?" Dean laughs and shakes his head. "Come on don't hold out on me. I'm a working student mother, who just got turned into a bloodsucker and then back again. My life's about to be boring."

Sam finally joins in. "Okay, so not long ago there was this monster that you had to be drunk to see. Dean drinks like it's water so that was fun watching him trying to get drunk." We both laugh. I cover my mouth until I've swallowed.

Dean scoffs, "Dude?"

"Come on man it was, though Garth was funnier."

"Garth?"

Dean replies. "Another hunter, a damn lightweight, was drunk after one beer!"

"So this monster, what was it?" Stop playing with my food and actually take a bite this time.

Sam takes this one when it seems Dean doesn't want to enlighten me further. "A shojo."

"That's Japanese isn't it?"

Dean seems to relax and join in the conversation. "Yeah."

"So getting drunk to fight? Sounds fun. If it'd been me probly woulda taken not much longer than Garth to 'be ready'; well nowadays anyway."

"Why's that?" Dean asks.

Softly I admit, "I don't drink anymore." Lightly tapping my food with the fork.

"Umm so are you an al-ahh?" Sam smirks at Dean's inability to spit out the word 'alcoholic'.

"An alcy? No, but I could have gotten outta control fast. I'm lucky I had someone to snap me out of it. With Jacob I can't, but even when I could again I don't think I will." Glance at Sam, seeing his nearly empty beer I rise to turn down the oven and grab another couple of bottles.

Sam mutters 'thanks' when I place the bottle beside his plate.

"Make sure you boys save room for dessert," I warn them a bit too cheerily.

After the cherry pie with fresh apricot slices and ice cream Dean offers to do the dishes. "Perfect I can put Jake to bed, and Sam your stuff is still in the laundry - don't you think you should pack?"

"Right." He heads downstairs. I head up with Jake, change him and put him down watching him fall asleep. My boy's been quiet tonight. Sam comes in and watches him too.

Sam speaks quietly. "I wish I could stay." Placing his hand on my shoulder.

"We'll still be here when you come back, you do what you gotta do." Turn to give him a hug, stand on my tip toes, reach up to pull him down into a kiss, he pulls me closer deepening it, one of his hands slips down to my bum, suddenly Sam's breaking off. "I'm sorry." Sam pants as I stagger a little to regain my balance from him releasing me.

"Don't it was me, you got nothing to apologise for." He pulls me into a soft but tight hug. "I'm the one that's sorry. I just meant a kiss for luck." Blushing furiously as we are both now a bit hot and bothered, definitely aroused. For my part I struggle not to then let a hand wander to his enclosed erection pressing against me.

We break apart before I can drag him down again. Sam's face is tinged red, likely from embarrassment at his clear reaction. "You finish packing. I'll go help Dean with the dishes." Turning on the baby monitor and taking the handset down with me. Pick up the tea towel but it's snatched out of my hands. "You cooked, sit down."

"Going for a sainthood are we? I cooked to thank _you_." Lean against the bench. "Where you headed now?"

"No idea we'll just hit the road."

"Hope you get a lead on these Leviathans soon, sounds like you boys could use a break."

Sammy comes in dumping his bag on the floor and grabbing the tea towel off the bench behind me. "Sit down."

"Yes sir." With a mock salute, remembering the dinner at the cabin and laughing. Poke my tongue out when Dean's not looking. Grinning, Sam flicks on the jug. Bloody mind reader. Fidgeting increases as I'm watching them, Sam brings me a coffee and whispers "Calm down."

"I'm trying." I hiss back, which is covered up by noises from the baby monitor in my pocket, Jake is stirring. Sam turns around. "Don't worry I've got him." Tapping his pocket, making eye contact with me. I nod, and when I hear him in the room I turn the volume down so Sam can say goodbye to his son alone.

"Do you want another beer before you go?" I ask Dean.

"I'm good, thanks."

"Okay, do you want to take the rest of the pie?"

His eyes light up but he says "No."

Simply can not stop the giggle that escapes. "Seriously? I saw that. You want it, take it." Get up to put the leftover dessert in a container I won't miss. "Here."

"Thanks."

"Your welcome, dinner was the least I could do for you." Leaning against the bench while he finishes the washing up, and continues the drying.

Sammy comes back down. "Sit down. Drink your coffee." He orders, gently pushing me out of the kitchen and puts away the dishes.

"Ya know, you guys shouldn't be so helpful. I won't want you to leave." Sipping at my drink and stifle another giggle.

Too soon they finish up wiping down the bench. Dean comes toward me. "Guess we should get going then."

"Thanks a lot." Holding out my hand to shake his.

"No problem." Dean heads for the front door. Sam stoops to pick up his bags and follow.

"Sam, hold up." Reach into a bottom cupboard. "An early birthday present." Place a key in his hand then grab for the back of the cupboard pulling out a bottle of whiskey. "Happy Birthday Sammy." He kisses me on the cheek. "Be careful out there Grace."

I break out in a massive grin. "Hey that's my line. I'm going to hold onto 'don't lose my number' though and this time I mean it. You and Sam are the only ones with the number that you rang, oh and I deleted the text off Dean's once it sent. I'm so glad it was you. Would have been embarrassing if I text the wrong person."

Dean comes back in while he's hugging me again after placing his presents in his duffel bag. "Shake a leg Sammy."

"Don't forget your pie Dean." Holding it out to the suddenly eager Winchester.

Walk them to the door where I shake Sam's hand too. "You better watch your arses." Stand there like an idiot until they drive off. Close the front door lightly, lock it, lean against it. Phew. After some deep breathing it's time to get back to the real world.

Turn the baby monitor volume back up, make sure all the lights are out downstairs and go up to bed, via the nursery. Turn on my radio, down low, with the monitor on the bedside table, change into my pajamas, climb into bed and lie there mulling over everything that has happened, thinking I did pretty well with Dean.

Now it's all up to Sam.

TBC 

**A/N**  
This chapter is to acknowledge Jacob's birthday as well as Stargate actors David Blue and Bill Dow (even though their characters aren't in this story).


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE**

Two weeks pass before my Sam gets home. We cuddle up on the couch and we talk about everything that happened. I even tell her about the kisses, expecting her to be mad but she is more understanding than I deserve.

"It's just something we have to deal with, he knows about Jake now so he will be back. I also know you love him, in a different way than you love me. I'm okay with that. I just hope you realise with either of us you could get hurt." Caressing my face as if I'm fragile.

"Honey I'm all too aware of that. You both have weird and dangerous secretive jobs. At least with you I'm likely to be told if you are not coming home. With him, his work is so secret that unless he tells Dean or Garth about Jake and I, I'm not going to find out if he's gone. But you both save the friggin world. How can we compete with that?"

Sam opens her mouth to answer that but I keep going. "Hell you've both _died_ several times. I am very aware of the fact one day it will be permanent but I love you anyway. You know I'm familiar with what it's like to lose someone and you are too. We are still here, together." Our kissing is interrupted, and not for the first time by Jake needing something.

We spend most of the weekend ignoring my studies, choosing to spend the time with each other and Jake; not looking forward to when we both have to go back to work.

* * *

Late May

There's a knock at the door, get up from my books and not expecting anyone, look out the peephole. Open it a crack, just wide enough to fully see the six foot, blue eyed man in dark jeans, white and blue thin striped business shirt and a navy blazer with short tousled brown hair. "Yes?"

"Miss Evans? Grace?"

"Yeah?"

"May I please come in?"

Seriously who asks to be let in without introducing themselves first? "Who are you?"

"My name is Doctor Jackson."

"Daniel?"

Daniel Jackson: "That's me."

"Can I see your I.D.?"

"Sure." Daniel passes it through the crack and I step back to let him in, handing it back.

Closing the door I ask him. "So you're Danny boy huh? What's going on?"

"Can we sit?"

Shallow breath. "This can't be good," leading him through to the lounge, indicating for him to sit down anywhere.

"Just spit it out."

Daniel still waits for me to settle into my spot on the couch before speaking again. " _The George Hammond_ has been out of communication for a week. It's been formally declared Missing In Action."

"Oh god." Covering my mouth, I'm struck with fear.

SGC prefers to not to declare statuses until they absolutely have to.

"It doesn't mean anything, we've had problems with communication before, we're still looking."

"Like on that planet? Tagrea, was it?" Daniel raises his eyebrows, clearly unaware of just how much I've been told.

"We can only hope it's something like that. But it could be way worse." He quickly recovers from his shock.

"Yeah well I don't exactly want to think about that. I know that sometimes you lot can be missing for months and be fine - or not. And I also know that you've personally died before but there no chance of that situation happening here so all I can do is keep hoping until there is proof of something." A face flashes through my mind. "Has anyone told Cassie?"

"Jack is going over to her place now."

"Alright, so do you want a cuppa? Or is this just a flying 'sorry for the bad news' visit?"

"Wouldn't you rather be left alone?"

"Hell no. But don't feel obligated to stay. I know you're a busy man."

"I can stay."

"So tea, coffee?" Getting up to put on the kettle.

"I'd love a coffee please." Calmly leave the lounge, once the kettle is set to boil I find my hands are shaking so shake my whole arms in attempt to relieve some of the tension. Put a tray together, and return to the lounge. Settle back down on the couch before speaking again.

"So can you tell me anything about the mission she was on?" Their answer is an apologetic no; nothing surprising. "It's okay I get it, I just wish I knew what's going on." I take a sip of my drink, not tasting it; it is simply a way to distract myself from my thoughts. It hasn't worked.

Daniel's fingers tap the mug he is holding. "Do you understand we might never know?"

Keeping my voice even as I answer him. "Yeah I think so."

"I know it's hard." He replies sympathetically.

Barely holding back from rolling my eyes, instead release a sigh. "Isn't that life? A whole bunch of unknowns. Although I probly know a lot of shit that I shouldn't for a 'normal civilian' whatever passes for normal nowadays."

He finishes his coffee rather quickly. "It was nice to finally meet you, wish it hadn't been like this though."

As I walk him to the door Daniel thanks me for the coffee.

"Take care." Offering my hand to shake.

"You too." Daniel clasps, tight but gentle.

"Bye." Wave him off and collapse against the closed door.

* * *

10 June

Walking home from church, get quite a shock when I go inside and when have collapsed the pram's sun visor notice there's Sammy sitting in the armchair, with a beer in his hand.

"Sam?" Pushing Jake's pram into the lounge, Sam stirs but doesn't turn around.

"Hey," Sam says in a horse voice. I cautiously come around in front of him and he looks up.

He seems a lot older and almost blank. "You look like shit dude."

"So do you." He snaps. "Sorry 'bout just grabbing the beer."

Quietly, I try not to let pain show in my tone, "Don't be, no one else is going to drink them. I gave you a key, this place is your place, feel free to help yourself to whatever." Plopping down on the couch have momentarily forgotten all about Jake until he whimpers. "Crap." Forcing myself to get back up and put him down in the bouncy seat after pulling it next to the couch.

Once have gotten a glass of water and seated myself take up watching the sullen Winchester. Absentmindedly pushing the bouncer with my foot, wait for Sam to say something, but he seems lost in his own little world and I get lost in myself vaguely paying attention to Jake, who is sleeping, thankfully.

We just sit there until Jake starts crying and I'm brought out of it, pick him up, he needs changing so deal with that and Sam is still kinda out of it when I resume my place.

Needing coffee also grab Sam another beer while I am up. Put it down next to him, and pretty much chug my coffee then lie down on the couch so I can play with Jacob in his bouncy chair. At least he's young, he can't tell my smile is fake. But Sam has started watching me again, then something seems to click.

"What do you mean nobody else will drink the beer? Did Sam leave you?" Those hazel eyes are full of pity, they are killing me.

"Not exactly." Pretty sure I lost my fake smile for a second there but plaster it right back on, continuing to look at my gorgeous little boy's face. _I will not cry, I will not cry_. I tell myself over and over.

He bends down and picks up Jacob so I have to look up at Sam if I want to keep up the pretense of watching my son. "But something is wrong?"

"Well something is up with you too, feel like sharing?"

"Not really."

"Okay then." Go and make another coffee. "I don't know if she will come home." I mumble returning to my seat.

He looks up from Jacob. "What?"

"Her crew, they were declared M.I.A. a few weeks ago now."

"So you haven't been sleeping? Is that why.." Trails off, looking at me more closely and essentially he's already told me I look like crap, we don't need to say it.

"Yeah." Comes out in a whisper. I'm beginning to choke up. I'm sick of crying but it's really hard not to. I have no idea where someone I care very much about is. They could even be dead.

"You've gotta sleep, trust me I know what happens if you don't."

"Try telling that to my brain and Jake, and work and school."

"What about Cassie?"

"She's devastated, I can't ask her to help out now. She's been through so much already."

"What about your family?"

"The ones that matter, all out of the country."

"Well you have me now."

"For a few days though right? You're here on a case aren't you?"

"No. I'm not working, I'm just here."

"Did you have another fight with Dean? You're running aren't you?"

"Umm. Yeah I guess I am running, but not from Dean."

"Alright."

"Just alright?"

"I promised never to pressure you, remember? If you don't want to tell me you don't have to." Drain the rest of my coffee and stifle a yawn, Sam misses it being distracted by Jacob starting up again. "A mother's work is never done, he's probly hungry."

Reach out to take him from Sam. Settle him and try to breastfeed him but he doesn't take it.

"Maybe he can sense you're tired and frustrated."

"Hmm. Looks like it's formula time." Getting up carefully and heading into the kitchen to make up a bottle.

Sam follows me. "Let me do that." Taking it from my hand and putting it on the bench.

"You know what to do?" He'd only seen me do it once, months ago. I know he's smart but he hasn't spent much time around babies.

"Yeah we had a case involving a baby once, Dean taught me a few things then."

"He did?" What a surprise.

"Lisa had a baby niece."

"Oh, so that's why he was doing fine with Jake?"

"Yeah. So why don't you go up, take a nap. I've got Jake."

"Nah. I'm fine." I'm betrayed then by a massive yawn escaping.

"No you're not, here." Pulling Jake out of my arms. "Upstairs, now."

"Bossy boots." It's not as grumpy as I want it to sound when trying to stifle another yawn. "Okay, fine, I'm going." Raising my arms in surrender and shuffle upstairs. Close my curtains, turn radio on down low and lie down on top of my bed. My eyes are so heavy, it's easy to close them and doze off quickly.

Wake about an hour later to my tummy rumbling. _You big dummy breakfast was at 6 AM and now it's near 4 PM_. Wash my face to wake up a bit more then go down to the kitchen grabbing a banana and head into lounge to check on the boys, they seem to be doing okay.

"Hey how is he?"

"He's fine, what about you?"

"I'm fine too."

"You went to sleep?"

"A little, how are you?"

"Fine."

"Okieday." And once again we are going in circles, how to break out of it? "Did you burp him?"

"Yup."

"So what you been up to?"

"The usual."

"Right." So he doesn't want to talk. _What is going on? Guess I'll find out when he feels like telling me_. Peel my banana and break bits off putting them in my mouth. Sam is still silent when I finish it.

"Do you have any plans, how long you staying?"

"I don't know."

"Want anything in particular for dinner?"

"Nope."

Sit on couch on the right end this time so can face the boys. Turn on the tv, channel changing so it's not so friggin quiet.

He starts fidgeting with Jake, "You can put him on the play mat if you're arms getting tired," indicating where it is. Sam gets up and places him on the floor then comes sits on my left side, keeping an eye on Jake.

"Your really good with him,"

"It's weird."

I force a little laugh, "I know you'll get used to it." I just want to lean into him and go back to sleep.

"I can't be bothered cooking, how about I go out for pizza? If you're okay looking after Jake on your own?"

"Sure, I don't mind."

"Any preferences?"

"Anything's fine."

"Alright, I'll be back soon." Grabbing my purse on the way out the door.

That's when I spot the Impala, Oh. My. God. Finally. Whisper to her "Hey Baby." Restrain myself from touching her; before getting in my own car. _Sam is alone AND has Baby and is running? Where's Dean_?

Pieces of this puzzle are falling into place. Looks like I should probably make another stop while I'm out. Order the pizza then while waiting go to a liquor store. Have a feeling more beer will be needed and grab a few bottles of 'Hunter's Helper' too. Return for the pizza and head home.

Put the beer and whiskey away in the cupboard, grab some plates, take them, the pizza and garlic bread through to the lounge. Go back for napkins, a cold beer and a soda.

"Thanks" is all he says. I leave him alone we eat in silence, watching Jake, with crap TV playing in the background.

Sitting next to each other on the couch, lost in our own heads. If he wants to try ignore whatever has happened with Dean I'll let him, for a time.

Eventually I put Jake down and in order to give Sam some space I sit on top of my bed in the middle, cross legged to read through my notes from church that morning, looking up the scriptures. When I hear footsteps coming upstairs I stow the bible under my pillow and grab my sudoku book out.

He walks past into the spare room, so I relax a little and actually work on a grid. Hours pass; sudoku, reading, listening out for Jake.

Thankfully Sam stays in his room, get an hour or two sleep before getting ready for work and taking Jake to daycare. Don't see him until get home that night. Quite surprised to find Sam in the kitchen, drinking a beer while cooking dinner.

"What's this?" Dumping my bag on the table.

"You didn't sleep again, I thought I'd save you the trouble of doing one thing."

"Okay thanks Sam." Putting Jake down in his portacrib. Go lean against the bench next to Sam and try to calmly say "If you know I didn't sleep that means you didn't either." He just shrugs, drinks his beer. "So what? Being a hunter means you don't have to sleep? That's bull, you look just as bad as I do, you have to sleep too." Get a glass of water and take a few ibuprofen.

"Your headaches are back aren't they?"

"Aha." Filling up my glass again, sipping it wandering over to the table to sit down, momentarily let exhaustion overtake me. "I just need sleep." Coming to my senses I realise why my breasts are so sore, need to express as he hasn't been feeding. "Can you watch him?" Push myself up shuffle into the lounge to 'take care of the problem' and feed Jake a bottle at the table while Sam serves up our tea. "Ta." When he puts a plate in front of me.

Once I've put Jake to bed, go down to do the dishes and find Sam has started them. "Hey you cooked, you don't have to do that too." There's no chance at budging him so pick up the tea towel and help to dry.

When everything's cleaned up I plop on the couch to watch more crap, Sammy follows me in and plunks on the couch too, with another beer. Should I just surgically attach one to his hand! Curled up in the corner, knees nearly touching my chin hugging my shin with my left arm, the other on the armrest with the remote, he's just flopped down, spread out on the other corner.

Looking at the TV but not really watching it, trying not to think. Every now and then rubbing my forehead and doing deep breathing exercises; this goes on for an hour or two until Sam puts a hand on my knee. I look up and tiredly focus on him "Whats up?"

"You need to sleep."

"Are you going to?"

"Doubt it."

"So don't try to get me to do something that you won't do yourself."

"Fair enough I guess." Sam gets up, turns off the screen, grabs my hand to pull me up off the couch and essentially drags me up to my room. "I'll give you a minute to change." Leaves, shutting the bedroom door behind him.

My hearts racing, that giant bastard is gonna kill me just by touching me. I'm already feeling guilty and haven't done anything. Sam's not dead, she can't be. I cannot be unfaithful to her, but my feelings for Sammy are rushing to the surface and giving brain time to some naughty thoughts. _Come on Grace_. I slap my face.

Re-entering Sam's changed into his trackies, I'm still standing where he left me. Gruffly Sam grabs my nightshirt, puts it in my hands and pushes me into the bathroom. Getting the point I change and hop into bed. Sit up crossing my arms while Sam turns off the light, slides in and pulls me into his body making me uncross them.

Trying to ignore the tingles from his touch I settle in for a long night of trying not to think. I've missed him but I miss my Sam more.

"Relax, Grace, you are so tense."

Breath in my nose and out through my mouth several times trying to shake it off. Roll over so my back is to him, he puts his arm over me accidentally brushing against my boob, which I do my best to ignore when it settles against my stomach. We lay like that for hours, neither of us sleep. Around three thirty he gets restless so I turn back over and put my hand on his cheek.

He tries to smile "What?"

"Nothing"

"You gonna be okay?"

"I just wish I knew something, this is a lot different from if she was dead, for all I know she could be but what if she isn't? If she is alive then where the hell is she?"

"I know what you mean."

"You do?" Whisper then hold my breath; with a Winchester you never know what they could say next.

"Yeah I know exactly what you're going through right now - because I am too." The pain in his voice, I just want to hug it away.

"Dean?"

"Yeah, he just vanished." Another little tug at my heartstrings.

"How?"

"He stabbed Dick Roman, who exploded, Dean and Cas disappeared."

"Hang on what?" I am so confused, did I miss something?

"Dick Roman, the leader of the big heads."

"Yeah, okay but the bit about Cas? You said he was out to it."

"He woke up when- never mind. You need sleep, not to talk."

"Well so do you, you're not. And none of this 'hunters don't need as much sleep' crap." There's no answer, just a hand in my hair, massaging my head.

"So tell me about Cas?"

"No. Sleep." Placing a finger on my lips. Taking his hint stop talking and close my eyes. Manage to doze off for an hour or so, finding he's dropped off. Thankfully I drop back off too until woken by Jake, quickly get up trying not to disturb Sam. Change and sit down in the chair with him, next thing I know I'm being shaken awake. "Hey, your alarm went off."

"Okay, ta." Rubbing my eyes. "Can you please get him dressed? I need a shower."

Jake is taken off me. When I get out Sam has some breakfast waiting for me. "Thanks Sam," sitting down at the table, "you're spoiling me."

"No I'm not, I'm just helping you out."

"Okieday, thanks anyway." Finish getting ready to leave with a quick goodbye to Sam. "See you tonight, have a good day."

* * *

The next few days consist of random sleeping, no real talking, just work, school and caring for Jake.

It's weird. I keep expecting Sam to run off on a case and get hurt. After a week I gather enough courage to ask him when he will resume working and he's 'not up to it'.

"You're going to lose your mind if you don't do something, you know I don't mind if you go out hunting."

"I'm doing fine."

"Okay I'll accept that. For now. All I'm saying is you might feel better if you have to focus on something."

This goes round in circles for a few more days before he decides to look for a 'real' job.

Well that's something; I suppose.

TBC 

**A/N**  
Happy Birthday Dean! (40!) Also Dylan Everett the actor who played teen Dean in seasons 9 & 10 turns 24 today.  
This chapter is also in recognition of the great Richard Dean Anderson's 69th birthday, I can't wait to get his character Jack O'Neill in this story as more than a mention but a bit worried I won't be able to represent him properly so that might take a bit of work.  
A late mention Stargate co-producer and director, the awesome Martin Wood had a birthday on January 19.


End file.
